Muh Putin! Muh Russia Hacked the Election and Everything Else!

Russia hacked the election! Donald Trump is a Russian spy! Putin ordered it all! It’s all true!

Did you know that Vladimir Putin’s hackers gave Hillary Clinton 85 slogans to mull in order to confuse her?

Did you know that Russian hackers secretly hacked Hillary’s cyberbrain and controlled her decision not to visit Wisconsin once since April?

Did you know that Russian hackers forced the Clinton campaign to spend more money in Arizona, Georgia, and Nebraska than Michigan and Wisconsin?

Did you know that Vladimir Putin ORDERED Russian hackers to breach Hillary’s otherwise foolproof analytics program? THAT’S why she didn’t do any tracking polls in Michigan and Wisconsin and didn’t discover deteriorating support there until the very end!

Russian hackers hacked Hillary’s plane and as a consequence, she (and Obama) COULDN’T fly out to make any campaign stops in Michigan until the last week. She well knew that her opponent’s message was targeted to workers in those states but just couldn’t act because of the hacking!

Did you know that Russian hackers were responsible for Hillary’s lack of organic social proof? Yeah! They hacked ticketmaster , and as a result, only sparse numbers of people could even get tickets to her exciting rallies while all the ticket sales attributed to her were turned in Trump’s favor. THAT’S why his rallies were always so massive!

Russia hacked Amazon’s sales rank algorithm, making it look like her and Tim Kaine’s Stronger Together book wasn’t selling very much so they could suppress its great and optimistic message!

The Russian hackers gave Hillary the idea, through her once-vaunted analytics program (that they hacked) to conceal her health issues and collapse on 9/11. She trusted those vulnerable programs too much!

Vladimir Putin also personally ordered Russian hackers to hack the tracking software of merchants, changing the code so that it would look like Donald Trump vastly outsold Hillary. Did you know that?

Did you know that Vladimir Putin ordered Russian hackers to hack into Google and change the trends so that it would force people to look up how they could vote for Trump instead of how they could vote for Hillary?

There was a vast bot network, run by the Russian hackers, that caused Donald Trump’s social media engagement to soar past Hillary’s, while forcing her campaign to run low-converting TV ads that had no message. Remember, they hacked her analytics!

When they hacked her analytics, the Russians, under orders from Vladimir Putin, told her she should run only ads showing that Trump was “bad person,” but never anything about her positive qualities!

Hillary has loads of charisma. Really! Did you know that when the Russian hackers breached her cyberbrain, they also hacked Hillary’s voice, mannerisms, and speech, making her look boring and unlikable when it wasn’t so?!

It was the Russians that hacked Hillary’s brain and forced her into opening an illegal private email server (but please ignore that this server was less secure than the DNC servers and Podesta’s gmail account, there’s no way the Russians could have hacked into it).

The Russians, ordered by Vladimir Putin himself, hacked cyberbrains on a mass scale and forced the public to view her actions as corrupt and self-serving for 25 years. She didn’t destroy her personal brand, the Russians did!

Did you know that the Russians made the American people want change over experience because of mass propaganda? All those exit polls prioritizing change weren’t organic! They were a result of a massive fake news coordination from Vladimir Putin himself!

It was the Russian hackers that forced Hillary Clinton to campaign on…nothing but that she wasn’t Trump. She may have had no message or offer, but that was because the hackers hacked the software that gave her those things from the safety of Russia!

It was the Russian hackers that not only hacked the DNC and Podesta, but altered their correspondence! Vladimir Putin personally inserted every word of those documents released by Wikileaks! Podesta and other Democratic officials are all benign, caring people that wanted a fair, open, and free election process without favoritism or pleasing donors. The Russian smear campaign from Putin himself was very sophisticated!

On that note, the Russians were also behind Bernie Sanders, secretly funding his campaign and hypnotizing his voters through their hacking that Hillary didn’t offer them anything and shafted their man! They wouldn’t give her a chance because Putin was so sneaky!

Above everything, it was the Russian hackers that were responsible for making the elite appear so out of touch with the American people that they revolted. Hillary was always a champion for the working and middle class in places like the rust belt, but the Russians secretly hacked everything in incredibly sophisticated operations to make it seem like she couldn’t care less.

It’s all true! That report from the Director of National Intelligence that talks about Russia Today and Occupy Wall Street from 2011 said so! Beware of fake news that tries to propagandize you, telling you that this all isn’t true! Nothing is ever Hillary’s fault!

Hillary Russian hackers tinfoilBecause you aren’t wearing a tinfoil hat, Stumped will tell you the real reasons why Hillary lost the election, because it predicted the result in early 2016.