[Note: This article was originally published on Return of Kings on November 201th, 2014]
You’re outside, feeling good about yourself. You’ve finally gotten your approach anxiety under control with your first few experiences and now you’re looking at a very different world. What a glorious world it is! A whole universe of women you’d never be able to meet before is now suddenly open to you. While you may be tempted to approach nearly every attractive woman you see, I have one piece of advice: hold your horses!
Debates have long been held in the community between mass approaching versus selective approaching, the so-called “shotgun versus sniper” theories. I personally tend to take an in-between route, an “assault rifle” route, if we continue those analogies. Waiting for everything to be aligned, such as you receiving an approach invitation or for conditions to be “perfect” is a way to severely limit your opportunities. On the other hand, mass spam RSD-style approaching is a good way to waste your time and get you blown out en masse, which will immunize you from any pain of rejection, but is good for little else.
So, what is my third way then? In short, I approach a lot of women, but I focus my approaches on women that I think are likely to be more interested in me from the start. It means I will do less work and receive more benefits. I run a mental checklist in my head before I approach, and if all systems are go, I do so.
Before I go into the rundown of what that checklist is, I want to say one thing: look good. Looking good and dressing well will simply mean that more and higher quality girls will be more interested in you from the beginning. You don’t need to be a male model, but you should at least be above average. I don’t think this is entirely necessary to use this approach system but it will get you the most out of it.
Now let’s go over the signs I look for before I approach:
1. Is she attractive enough?
This may seem somewhat counterintuitive since you shouldn’t be approaching unattractive women in the first place, but I always ask myself if I’m sufficiently and genuinely attracted to a girl before I do anything else. I don’t waste my time approaching “so-so” girls whom, while I would bang, I don’t want to put much effort into.
I only approach girls I have a very real and raw sexual attraction to and desire for. This helps to keep me mentally grounded and adds to the authenticity of my approaches. I have always been a direct action kind of a guy and the way in which I approach women is no different. It may not be for everyone, which is fine; this is simply how I do things.
2. What is her age in relation to your own?
It’s well-known that women tend to have a preference for older men – not much older of course but just…older. I can confirm this from my own data in my approaches. As girls get closer to my own age or older, the difficulty is raised slightly, while girls several years younger than me are usually quite receptive and I walk away with at least their phone numbers more often than not. For this reason I think that your efforts would best be spent on girls that are two to eight years younger than you are.
With a little bit of experience you can generally tell how old a girl is (usually within a few years) not just by their overall appearance, but their choices in fashion and the like. This instinct won’t always be accurate, but it often will be. Do this and you will likely be surprised at how well you can do. I am not saying to limit yourself to this group of course; I’m just saying that you will likely find the most success with them.
3. Does she look open to being approached?
This is a bit more subtle, but you should be able to hone your instincts with only a small bit of experience. And yes, I do say instincts because knowing what girls to approach is in some ways instinctual. You will have an inner voice in your head encouraging or discouraging you, one that has been honed over billions of years of evolution and designed to find a mate. This voice is rarely wrong, so listen to it!
Before I go into further detail, I want to say that, much like above, you don’t need to limit yourself to girls that fall under this category, as I have approached women that did not look like they wanted to talk without many problems. All I’m saying is that you will likely find more success with girls that display some of these signs.
Signs your girl is likely open to a chat:
– She is walking slowly.
– She is looking around at different sights as she is walking, often somewhat wistfully.
– If seated, she is looking around, again often somewhat wistfully. If she is reading or on her phone and often interrupts herself to look around, she is likely just trying to pass some time and is still open to a chat.
– She stops to look at something for a while (I like to open girls that do this just after they begin to move again).
– Her body language is open and she makes slow movements (aside from just walking).
– She is taking a lot of pictures of the scenery (might seem counterintuitive if you haven’t done it before, but I’ve had a lot of successful approaches with girls like this).
– She looks happy.
These are just a few that I commonly notice. Some of you out there might notice some other recurring signs. If so, please post your experiences in the comments. I’m all for any suggestions to improve my own game.
4. Does she give you an approach invitation?
You should know what these are by now. Even just the slightest hints of a smile or even repeated eye contact without expression are approach invitations. If you receive one, approach immediately, and approach direct. Reward her for treating you well.
By going through this checklist and being just a bit smarter in your approaches than the typical guy out there, I am confident that you will be able to increase your success rate by a dramatic amount. It’s rare the man that actually approaches women without a pretext. Rarer still is the man that approaches the right woman in the right way. Smart target selection, I believe, will help you see more success and boost yourself to that rarified status of the self-actualized man with total confidence.