You’ve heard this one make the rounds in “PUA” circles as far back as the community’s been alive. The idea of the “instant date” with women you pick up then and there is much celebrated and ballyhooed. In my opinion, instant dates with women you just pick up are more useful for ego stroking than in actually getting results. In other words, they have their place, but they’re mainly more useful to you than to her.
I’ll start this post off with a story. A year ago, I was on my way home after a somewhat ordinary day. On the street, I saw a very, very beautiful woman. She was just the type I like best too, blonde (although it was dyed), blue eyes, great figure, everything you could hope for. To make things better, she was displaying signs that she was receptive to an approach.
I still nearly pussied out (street approaches aren’t usually my thing), but I made the approach based on my horniness and the confidence that came from the knowledge described in the link. As I suspected, she was quite receptive. In a rarity for a street approach, I took her on an instant date to a local pub. Of course I felt ecstatic. Unfortunately (and I tend to have this luck), she had to leave New York City the next day. I would have gotten further along if she hadn’t (I would have met her again – the crucial point of this article), but the contact eventually fizzled out.
Women Don’t View Instant Dates the Way You Do:
What I described above is not atypical. You need to get it through your head that women are whimsical creatures. An instant date of importance to you can easily be written off by her as “oh, he was just some guy I met that day who seemed cool at the time, but I’m not sure now.” In other words, her mood has changed. If she’s thinking this, she will flake. And, despite your instant date, I have found that women will tend to flake at around the same rate as ones that you did not have one with. In other words, instant dates don’t mean much. The incident did more to assuage your ego than to make a real lasting connection with the woman most of the time.
Venue Changes Don’t Mean Much:
It’s been a parlance in the PUA community for a long time that venue changes create a greater connection because they provide an illusion that you’ve been together with a woman for longer than you have. The venue change is essentially a PUA sacred institution. It is somewhat true when you think about it – going to a lot of places does provide the illusion of having spent a long time out, even when you haven’t.
But like most things in the standard PUA community, this is now either outdated or wildly exaggerated. The venue change is in fact of little importance. What matters in seduction is not how much time you spend with a woman, but what you do in that time.
The instant date is not as advantageous as it might seem for one key reason – you will not be able to escalate. I would challenge you to find any woman you meet during the day to feel comfortable with you escalating that same day. Many women are not even comfortable with escalating the same night you met in a club, let alone during the day. Nearly all won’t be comfortable to kiss you either, which doesn’t mean much at any rate. Guys bragging about kiss closes with women they just meet are again, gratifying their own egos first and foremost.
Simply put, no matter how many venues you change or how much time you spend with a girl on the first meet, she is unlikely to be receptive to getting physical. Your options for moving the interaction along are thus very limited.
The venue change on the date, and the instant date in particular, is again, a celebrated aspect of the old PUA culture. The key assumption behind it is, again, that the amount of time you spend with a woman will draw her closer to having sex with you, and on the surface, this is true. But what is not reported in this assumption is that most normal seductions tend to go in stages.
An instant date is not very useful because it’s stuck at stage one – the initial meeting. No matter how many venues you change, the women you pick up will still consider you to be a guy they “just met.” For all the talk about employing female psychology, the mantra about instant dates is essentially bad psychology.
The point is, the next logical stage of the seduction process after the initial meeting is a date, and most girls probably won’t see the “instant date” as an actual date. Women will just see it as something they did at the time.
On the other hand, if you meet a woman with a good approach, get her number, maintain contact with her, and get her to meet you again, you are in a much better position. It means that the girl views you as a serious prospect. In effect, she has forced her mind into placing you into the role as a bona fide potential lover. If you do your date right, you will have a green light to escalate, and quite possibly end it in sex.
If a girl meets with you again, she is psychologically ready to take the interaction much further. It may sound strange, but a 10 minute chat that leads to a second meetup will be far more conducive to proceeding the relationship along than a several-hour instant date that could ultimately not lead to a second meeting, and again, in my experience, you have about the same, and perhaps even a higher, chance for a second meetup from a 10 minute chat as opposed to an instant date.
This can be seen by the fact that the girls I’ve instant-dated have flaked at about the same rate, but I am still in contact with most of the girls that have met up with me again after an approach, no matter the time spent on the initial approach.
Dating goes in stages more than it does time.
Are Instant Dates Useless? The Final Verdict:
For the most part, I would say yes. In the time you’re using for an instant date, you can be meeting other women or getting work done.
I would say that the major use that they have is for guys just starting out and finding their wings. Pulling a woman in this way, as I have said before, will give you an amazing boost of confidence, a boost of confidence that you’ll likely need when just starting out and not having previously had much success with women.
Though they probably won’t lead to much success in actual sex, this confidence boost is essential when just starting out. It will cause you to be more daring in your interactions with women, more aggressive, more willing to lead the dance. If you’re a guy who was suffering from severe approach anxiety a few months previously, picking up women you want and “taking them out” will give you a much-needed ego boost and help you transition into more serious game with the great experience.
That is the use of this old PUA tradition. Instant dates help you get your jump wings. When you’re ready to move on to more serious game, you’ll be trained and ready to go.