The natural tendency of living beings is to look for a way to “crack the code.” They seek a magic pill, a silver bullet, a foolproof method of achieving success. Certainly, your interactions with women, your “game,” is no different. We all want a foolproof way to succeed, and there is one!
But it’s probably not the one you think.
The most important tool for your arsenal in the game, to succeed with women, isn’t any line you might spit or even your looks and social status.
The single most important thing you need to succeed with women is your ability to handle injustice.
It’s something straight out of Stoicism, which Quintus Curtius is doing an excellent series of podcasts on.
One of the hallmarks of a stoic life is to be able to accept the natural order of things, a fate which you can’t do anything about. It’s much the same with women. No matter how good, handsome, or experienced you are, you are going to fail far more often than you will succeed. What I mean by this is that most of your interactions with women will eventually wind up leading to nothing.
Sure, I get a lot of numbers. That isn’t hard to do. If you look good enough and have a couple of months of experience, that’s easy.
But how many of those numbers lead to dates?
The drop off is remarkable at this point, and other stages follow that. Oftentimes you’ll be on a date that seems amazing, escalate hard as she appears ready to go, only for her to backtrack, and then you never hear from her again.
What I’m saying is that you’re going to have to interact with a lot of women to succeed with them. “The game is a numbers game” is a well-known phrase, but crucial for your ability to play that numbers game and meet a lot of women is your ability to stoically handle the injustice that comes along with it.
Can you handle going out and then pussying out of an approach? It happens to everybody. Can you handle the feelings of regret that come afterward?
Though it’s rare, can you handle a rude rejection? This has only happened to me about four times, and it’s not nearly as bad as it seems, but still, can you handle it?
More important to your psyche than these “bad” outcomes with women, however, are the more successful outcomes that eventually go south. To succeed and then only to fail later is far more psychologically damaging, and that will happen with women more often than an outright failure if you’re on the right track.
How many times will you have good interactions with women, wherein you can tell they are strongly attracted and interested, followed by phone numbers to maintain the contact later, only to not get a text back?
How many times will women who were very into you give numbers, then text you back, only for the interaction to fizzle out, often for the flimsiest of reasons or happenstances?
I’ll give you one such example:
Me: yo whats up
Her: Hey, in BK staying at a friends wbu?
Me: working on my MASTER PLAN. you in the hipster part of bk?
Her: Your master plan?
Me: of course, everyone has to have one!
Her (a day later): Haha I was asking what your master plan was!
Me: you really want to know?!
Me: we can discuss it over drinks you free thurs or fri?
Her: I’ll be working
Me (a day later): looks like were at the point where YOU suggest a time
I know, I know, I had to run a bit of what Roosh calls “clown game.” Unfortunately, you’re going to have to do that to some extent or another with today’s women. The age of the smartphone and social media has made their attention span almost non-existent.
Can you deal with the women who suddenly go cold on you for no particular reason, as seen above? There will be a lot of them.
Another big frustration came last January, when I made the extra effort to approach a pair of women so I could talk to one of them, who was the most beautiful I had seen in about two months. The approach was a big success. I got exactly what I wanted to get. Yet, her phone was not in working order since she had just arrived in the country.
Can you deal with this injustice of fate? It will happen more times than you think. Some little thing – a beautiful woman you can’t approach for a reason entirely outside your control (this happened to me today), a bad logistical situation which prevents you from approaching a girl before some other guy gets to her (though most guys don’t approach women outside bars and clubs, this happened to me last December with a particularly beautiful girl – the predecessor of the girl mentioned in the last link), a woman reaching her destination before you can ratchet up the conversation on the move (this happened to me last month).
The list of mitigating circumstances beyond your control goes on.
Can you deal with the simple fact that women will often wind up wasting your time, whether that be for reasons of her mood or sheer duplicity?
If you want to succeed with women, you simply have to understand that all of these can and will occur, and move forward anyway.
The magic bullet to succeed with women is your ability to handle frustration and injustice with a stoic heart and fortitude.
Like many things, it’s a virtue that cuts across everything that’s worthy in life. To get what you want, you need to handle injustice. It’s a wisdom that’s known to the US Navy SEALS, as Marcus Luttrell relays in Lone Survivor:
One time during Indoc while we were out on night run, one of the instructors actually climbed up the outside of a building, came through an open window, and absolutely trashed a guy’s room, threw everything everywhere, emptied detergent over his bed gear. He went back out the way he’d come in, waited for everyone to return, and then tapped on the poor guy’s door and demanded a room inspection. The guy couldn’t work out whether to be furious or heartbroken, but he spent most of the night cleaning up and still had to be in the showers at 0430 with the rest of us.
I asked Reno about this weeks later, and he told me, “Marcus, the body can take damn near anything. It’s the mind that needs training. The question that guy was being asked involved mental strength. Can you handle such injustice? Can you cope with that kind of unfairness, that much of a setback? And still come back with your jaw set, still determined, swearing to God you will never quit? That’s what we’re looking for.” (pg. 102)
Ask yourself the same questions. Then you’ll know whether you can succeed with women or not.