I want you to think about your number one fear when it comes to approaching women. Whether you’re a scared newbie desperately searching for a cure to his approach anxiety or you’re a veteran that’s been doing this for some time, the fear never totally goes away. The same thoughts creep into your mind, with varying degrees of intensity based on experience and the situation in front of you. What is the worst fear that you have in your head?
The worst fear you have in your head is that she’s going to be a bitch and you’re going to slunk away with your tail between your legs feeling like shit.
Am I right?
First, let me tell you that this does not happen. I have had only a scant few bitchy responses in the sample of all the women I’ve ever approached. I can count them on one hand. And when you do get a bitchy response, you will laugh at it in your mind. This is for two reasons:
- The energy you have built up to approach will still be present, so you will be in a high state of mind.
But this is all easy to say on a blog. In the moment of action the fear will come to you in one way or another. There’s no real way to get rid of it entirely.
But aside from doing what I recommend – not freezing up and entering “fight” mode by moving toward her with your ready-made opener, there’s another, distinctly logical thing for you to keep in mind. Because it is logical, this information will be nowhere near as useful as your limbic brain responses in the heat of the moment, but you can keep it in the back of your mind to try and get a bit more confidence, and make it a doctrine beforehand.
Last week, I was out reading Donald Trump’s Crippled America. Naturally, I was also looking for opportune women to approach. Little did I know that I would be the one to be approached on this occasion.
Unfortunately, she was not attractive, but that’s to be expected. Women will only once in the bluest of blue moons overtly approach you like this (unless you look muscular with your clothes on, which I don’t). She used an “elderly opener” straight out of Day Bang, asking me about my book.
Did I particularly want to talk to this girl? No. But for reasons of social nicety, I complied. My extroverted nature took over, and I showed her the cover of the book, joking that “she probably wouldn’t like it.” The girl was obviously “Hispanic” (which I put in quotations because it’s a highly misleading term entirely made up by the Census Bureau). Now, I knew why she was there, so I knew she also would not criticize me, just like most men won’t dare criticize a woman they’re attracted to and manage to open. I just joked about it, talked about my line of work and how I had seen a lot of corruption in government, and loved how Trump was making the rascals panic. In a sense, I went full shitlord and defended my support for Trump very successfully, balking at any narrative meme that it “wasn’t polite.”
She was a 19-year-old kid in college (at the school I used to go to, no less). She told me she supported Sanders. Once more, we see a minority Millennial turning away from Hillary Clinton, who has tried to court minorities and Millennials relentlessly. Even they know she’s a crook.
But that’s just an interesting side story. I realized that as I was being social and having a good time in this interaction, my body language nevertheless signaled that I did not want to talk to this girl. My feet, legs, and torso were not pointed at her at all, even though hers were pointed squarely at me. Only my face and neck – far less honest parts of the human body – were glancing at her, and even then only when necessary. Eye contact was minimal. These are all things Read ‘Em and Reap, which I will review shortly, covers.
I realized this as the interaction was happening, but I did not care. It felt like a totally strange paradox. I was enjoying the socializing, even though I was at the same time not enthused about talking to her. My body language was clear as day on that. How could this be?
My gregarious nature was probably part of it, and more introverted people would likely be less comfortable, but the other major part, I think, is that I felt complimented.
That’s right. Even though I felt no attraction to this girl whatsoever, I still felt complimented. Far better to be approached by women you don’t like than not be approached by any women at all, right? Of course, I’ve been approached far more subtly by other women (I’ll get to that in my review of Read ‘Em and Reap), but in a far different context.
Think about this further. It’s good for people to approach you, because it means you’re attractive to them. It’s a compliment. We all like to be complimented. Why would that beautiful woman you’re afraid of approaching feel any differently?
The criticism of that argument would be that unlike her, “I’m not approached all the time.” True, but neither, likely, is she. Trust me, most men are pussies and will not approach outside of bars and clubs. I distinguish propositioning from being approached in a serious fashion. Attractive women are often propositioned in some low value way. That is not flattering, but being approached in a serious and confident fashion is, even if it may not seem that way at first.
By being approached, you are being validated, and by being validated, your confidence and happiness increase. This is why, even though you may not be attracted to the person, you will at least be polite, perhaps even enjoy their company for a while.
Point being, you’re likely not going to respond in a bitchy way.
Once more, I know that this is a distinctly logical piece of information that will be of less value in the heat of a highly emotional, limbic brain moment, but try to remember it at all times. It will increase your motivation and may help to decrease your fear.
- You are not being a burden on the girl as long as you’re polite (i.e.: not socially inept).
- You are making her happy by complimenting her, so she is highly unlikely to be bitchy to you.
This is another reason why that fear of a bitchy response is almost entirely imaginary.
Get out in the approach trenches.