I remember years ago when I was into “PUA” stuff (late 2009). I read something from Love Systems about social circle game. This article was non-gimmicky. It actually had a number of good points drilled down into an exercise. You were asked to construct a web of your friends and contacts, and see whether those people were dead ends or led to opportunities of varying kinds. Could they lead you into new deals in business or better employment? Could they get you into exclusive events? Could they connect you with attractive women?
Sad to say at that point, all of my friends, great people as they were, were woeful dead ends. I was just a college kid at that point though. If you’re in a similar situation, try not to worry too much. It’s normal at that age. It’s normal at any age, unfortunately.
Wouldn’t you like to have better friends though?
When it comes to getting better friends, you first need to look at yourself.
Being strict about who you associate with on a more intimate level requires a certain mercenary outlook. It can be seen perhaps in its fullest extent in Robert Greene’s 10th law of power – avoiding the unhappy and the unlucky, but it this mercenary-like attitude applies when picking your acquaintances and associates too, because they in large part will depend on your own vision of yourself. Like attracts like.
If you’re content to sit on the couch and play Call of Duty all day, then the best friends you’ll probably find will be other people who do the same. Those are the only companions and connections you’ll need.
Of course for us, that’s not the kind of social circle we want. For those of us who want the stars and more, we not only want people who can help us get there, but we want to surround ourselves with encouraging companions who want to get there themselves, and we want to help them get there just as much as we want them to help us. Unsurprisingly, these are the kind of people who will also likely have some valuable ways to act as a connector, at least compared to other segments of the population.
You need to begin to get your own life together before you start to think about making great friends who will be connectors for you, rather than dead ends. Part of that means finding out what you want to do, part of it means embarking on self-improvement in general, such as fitness/physique and yes, becoming more attractive to the opposite sex.
Yet this is also where you leverage your desires and begin to get better friends!
When you begin your journey, you’re going to have questions that need answering, and since humans are social animals, your first instinct will be to seek out other people that have those answers, and most will be glad to help you. It’s here where you can join a community and begin to leverage trust.
The remarkable thing about the internet is that it can connect people in specific cliques, groups, and interests so easily, no matter where they are.
This is what happened to me.
A few years ago, as I was entering my mid-20’s, I had been sitting on my ass for some time. I had grandiose plans but never acted on them. They were at the time more abstract than concrete. I not only needed motivation and help, but I also needed people I could hold myself accountable to. I also definitely needed some boosts of confidence. Through chance, I found Return of Kings, which at that point was a new but growing community. Through reading the works of Quintus Curtius and others, I recognized a common bond and similarity with myself in that community immediately and began to whip myself into shape mentally, followed by whipping myself into shape physically, slowly taking my old identity and infusing it with a new mental and physical ethos. I also became a valued contributor to the community and later to Roosh V Forum.
When Roosh came to New York City in July last year, I went to the event. There I met some of the people who I had spoken to on the forum or on ROK for a couple of years. I also met many new contacts. I’ve been in touch with them ever since. I already have real estate deals on the way with a couple of them. I’ve already met new women because of them. I’ve already been out to good events and meetups because of them. In short, these friends aren’t dead ends.
By getting involved in some community or another, adding value to it, and attending a meetup, you can make better friends who are connected to your identity and wavelength, and who can in turn, act as connectors for you.
Sometimes however, you might meet better friends completely randomly. Such a case occurred last spring, a few months before Roosh came to town. I was out looking for women to approach in Central Park (which by the way, you can get my Central Park day game guide if you sign up for my email list), but found someone altogether different. I ran randomly into a gentleman who seemed to share my mindset. He himself was a day gamer, but also traded, did music, and more. His path was different than mine, but his mind was alike, and we shared the same ardor for knowledge and growth as people.
He subsequently introduced me to new things which, despite being far outside my normal niche, were interesting and fun to explore. I also met new women when out with him and another friend of his he introduced me to (this friend accompanied me to the Roosh meetup in July).
We were able to connect off the bat chiefly because of my own mindset and view of myself.
The same was true in late 2014, when I met, also by chance, this woman. She’s a somewhat well known filmmaker in her country, and she is indeed a very powerful connector. She knows men to do business with, and she knows other hot women.
Both of the above people show the power of randomness, if you have your ducks in a row and know what to look for!
To get better friends, you must first become a better person. This accrues over time, when you’re putting your vision into practice, working on your physique, and overcoming your fears and insecurities. Getting better friends also requires you to think about what kind of friends you want to have. For me, that means people that add value to my life in the form of helping and encouraging me, complementing my own weaknesses, teaching me interesting things, being a social connector, or simply being a source for mutual growth in conversation.
You should of course be respectful to everyone unless they warrant otherwise, but this is the kind of friend you should actively seek out to add to your social circle.
To sum up, to get better friends, do the following:
- Become a better person.
- Join a community of people doing the same thing, wherever that is. It could be joining a gym or it could be some kind of meetup around a niche. Always be on the lookout and gauge whether the people you meet every day are worthy in their own right. Be a valued contributor to any community you join. Give before you take.
- Leverage your community into real life interactions. Meet up with the new people you meet several more times to crystallize the connection.
Having a better social life is an extension of being a better person. It also means ruthlessly purging those who hamper you and “associating with the happy and fortunate instead.” Who hampers you, you will know instinctively, especially if you have a strong respect for yourself and belief in your mission.
I wasn’t the most social person in my school years, despite my extroversion. It was really only relatively recently in my life that I got into far better social circles and overcame my relative isolation. I did that through the methods outlined above.
So don’t worry if you were never a social butterfly before, or even if you don’t like being the center of attention. Become a valuable person and valuable people will…value you. Seek them out as a reborn, new you, and you will be surprised at the quality of the friends you will be able to add to your social circle.