Spring has officially sprung. I hope you used your winter wisely, because in a few short weeks, the warm weather will return. The trees and flowers will blossom. The days will get longer. Perhaps most pleasing of all, the girls will come out to play, and they’re dressed to get your attention.
Stop right there! I want to share a bit of wisdom I’ve gathered. Especially if you’re new. I think this is very important. What’s very important?
Stop rating girls’ looks on the 1-10 scale.
Here’s why. It has nothing to do with “objectification” or political correctness. It has nothing to do with “denying reality.” It has everything to do with one thing and one thing only. Rating the looks or attractiveness of girls on the 1-10 scale is a redundancy that will serve to distract you rather than provide you with useful information.
And let me be very clear – in the initiation phase of a relationship, where success often depends on you overcoming your fears and making bold moves (especially in the approach and the close), too much information is the enemy. Your greed needs to overcome your fear, and if you’re in analysis paralysis because you feel a need for rating a girl’s looks on the 1-10 scale, you’re going to create more fear. You’ll be frozen in place, which creates even more fear. Action, bold and decisive action, is the surest guarantor of overcoming fear. That which does not create action should be discarded. When you’re with a woman, thinking is usually the enemy. Your plans should have been put in place beforehand. Instinct and desire, your primal brain, should rule your actions “in the field.”
Hence the problem with rating girls’ looks on the 1-10 scale. In its essence, this rating system is a logical exercise. Where you decide to put your attractiveness rating is a purely subjective, rational judgment.
Yes, I am aware that something like the 1-10 scale of attractiveness exists in objective reality. There are clear natural, genetic, even mathematical formulas that distinguish an average girl from an ugly one, or an attractive one from an average one, or a knockout from an attractive one.
But what distinguishes an 8 from a 9, or an 8 from a 7, really? There’s no clear answer, and your trying to make this attractiveness distinction will lose you precious time and initiative. The setting can go like this: you see a girl you like. You think of her looks and try to get a rating on the 1-10 scale. Then you get in your own head. You delay. You get more fearful.
But most importantly, when you’re trying to apply a rating to a girl’s looks or attractiveness with the 1-10 scale, you get something like the following:
“Oh shit, that girl’s a 10! I have to do this right! I’m not sure if I can do this…”
This is where you don’t want to be, above anything else. To quote Donald Trump: “if you think about losing, you’ve already lost.” And when you’re rating a girl’s attractiveness on the 1-10 scale and begin to think she’s so high on it, you’re inherently going to feel less confident. You’ll be thinking about losing, so you’ll have already lost. Even if you make your move, it will be more timid, less bold, than it could have been. With so many other factors trying to get in the way of your natural, primal, desires, this is one more roadblock that you absolutely don’t need to put in your way.
If you’re new, I’m going to tell you a secret that more experienced guys know…
How hot a girl is doesn’t matter nearly as much as you think. It almost matters not a wit.
The biggest determinant of your success with a girl isn’t the “rating” of her looks on the 1-10 scale. Your looks, your persuasiveness, and, as Mark Manson once said, the manner in which you meet her, are far more important than how hot she is to you (except in your own mind).
In other words, your rating of girls’ looks on the 1-10 scale is least important. If the 1-10 attractiveness scale is supposed to convey useful information of how you’re supposed to “act” with certain girls, it actually does the opposite.
I can tell you that I’ve actually had more success with the girls that might rate as higher on the 1-10 scale of attractiveness than more average looking girls. This is likely because of the energy and enthusiasm I have when interacting with the girls I’m most attracted to. When I let all other distractions go, I enjoy it immensely, and emotional states are contagious.
Troy Francis wrote a great post on Return of Kings this week about approaching girls that “tug at your DNA most strongly.” I agree wholeheartedly, and if you’ve been doing it for a while, you’ll immediately understand what he’s talking about.
Let your DNA take over, not some hypothetical 1-10 scale rating of attractiveness. Logic is the enemy.
I’ll end with quoting something from the Virtues of War that explains it all so simply:
War is academic only on the mapboard. In the field it is all emotion.
Abide by this and you won’t fail. Have a good spring.
You’ll increase your success with girls a lot when you take control of the persuasion system in Stumped, no matter where their looks rate on the 1-10 scale.